Editor: Vincent
Author’s Notes: Here is part 2 of the short! Not quite as long as part 1 but together they are about 40% of a full chapter! Not too bad eyy! Well, my weekend plans are looking good, unlike last weekend I actually have time this weekend to do a bunch of writing so we should be on schedule for next Friday! Anyhow, my legs are completely cramping up and it is 4:00am for me. Time for bed!
Also, I have just realized occasionally some of your comment have gotten auto spammed! If your comment doesn’t come up, let me know!
Editor’s Notes: …
-Lost-
“What?” I stare at Fen in surprise.
What does she mean she wants that?
“I want… That!” She repeats herself, not looking away from the screen.
Suddenly staring at me, she pleads with her eyes.
“F-fine. Let’s go back t-to Grenton.” I can not think of anything else to say. Somehow I can’t log out and I know it has something to do with Fen.
I have no trouble logging back into End Online, reappearing where I left. Looking around me, I cannot see Fen.
‘Of course, she will return to where she left.’
I now have Fen’s companion status on the side of my vision so I know she is definitely here.
I walk towards where she left from, at the entrance to the city. Before I can even reach there she comes strolling up to me through the crowd.
She looks completely refreshed as soon as she sees me.
Without a moments hesitation, her hand clasps mine, sharing its warmth. With her fingers intertwined with mind, she starts pulling on me.
“We… Need to… Eat.” She has a charming smile while deciding what will we do.
With her holding my hand, my heart feels like it is skipping every second beat. Only, it is not out of nervousness, but fear for this girl. I can’t shake the feeling that I am dancing with true death.
As we walk through the crowd, countless players glance my way. I feel like a hundred jealous daggers are pointed at my back from all the glares. I even hear a player murmur about how did some guy like me get such a pretty girl.
Looking around, there are currently a lot of valentine’s couples around. But, none of the ladies can match Fen’s beauty. Some of the male partners glance at her only to receive morbid stares from the females.
Fen stops suddenly and turns to look at me, a slightly pouting look on her face.
“Why… Do you have… That hood on?.. That guy… Didn’t have… A hood.”
“Sorry, but it doesn’t come off.” I give a pained look, but it is difficult to see under the shadow of the hood.
“No!.. It must… Come off!” Starting to mope, she reaches up and grabs the hood before I can react
She exerts force to pull it down, but the hood doesn’t budge an inch. After two tries, Fen gets irritated by the fact that she can’t take it down.
“Why… Won’t it… Come off?” She stops pouting and gives it another pull, more serious than ever.
She continues exerting force on it, slowly getting stronger. Perspiration breaks out on her forehead as she brings her other hand up to pull with both hands.
A cracking sound emits from the hood, followed by a blistering pain inside my head. A light floods my vision, temporarily blinding me.
The light fades, and I glimpse a notification before it vanishes. Unfortunately, all I get to read is the first line.
WARNING!
I wonder what it could possibly be, but there is nothing I will be able to do about it now, I cannot even leave virtual reality.
As the pain in my head begins to fade, I Slowly touch around my head. Feeling for the hood, only to find it is not there.
With my eyes widening in disbelief, all the fear inside me vanishes before my shock.
“W-W-What!?” I cry out.
I eventually calm down enough to think about what just happened, turning pale at thinking about the consequences of revealing my true identity to others. If my identity under the hood gets revealed and the two are connected, then all the infamy I have gained will be carried on.
I am currently on a main pathway in Grenton, which is swimming with players.
Opening my status, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see that my infamy has turned to zero. The title I had as ‘The Hooded Man’ also vanishes, but surely that will return upon putting the hood back on.
‘Perhaps it is NPC’s who have to become aware of my true identity to incur the negative effect. Also, why couldn’t I remove my hood but Fen could? This girl, she is far too mysterious and frightening!’
I go with Fen to some sort of cafe that she tracks down by sniffing the air.
We sit down on two outside seats when an NPC waiter comes up to us.
“Good afternoon Sir, Madam. What can I get for you today?”
As soon as this butler style waiter asks me for my order a window appears in front of me with a list of possible food options.
I am really not feeling hungry at the moment so I only choose a large slice of ‘Fig Banana Bread’ and a coffee. Ironically, everything in this game is at least slightly different from real life, yet coffee is still the same.
Our food comes out almost immediately. Unsurprisingly, Fen only ordered a piece of steak.
With the food in front of us, it is strange that the girl doesn’t touch the meat. She just stares intently at me.
“W-What?” My voice stammers a little under the pressure of her gaze.
“I want… That…” She looks down at the inch thick banana bread I ordered.
“You want some?” I ask to make sure as I slowly push the plate towards her.
Seeing what I am intending, she shakes her head. Opening her mouth, she makes a cute little “Ahh” sound.
The nervous tension in me builds up as I comprehend what it is she wants.
Cutting of a small slice I place it on a fork and extend it to her mouth. She eats the entire piece while barely chewing. After swallowing her cheeks dye a deep crimson and I feel the piercing stares of onlookers again.
When she goes to eat her steak, she first attempts to pick up the entire thing in her hand to eat it. Stopping just before doing so, she gives a thought some consideration before picking up the silver cutlery.
Fen attempts to use the cutlery like I did, but she is too clumsy with them.
“Ah, Fen. You do it like this.”
I give her a small demonstration in the air on how to use it, which she astonishingly manages to imitate perfectly.
Our lunch lasted for a good half hour, in which time I fed her half my banana bread and she managed to force half her steak down my throat. By this time the earlier headache from when my hood came off is completely gone too.
“Are you happy now Fen?” I honestly want to log off right now. Not that I need sleep or anything. It is just the feeling of being trapped is terrifying and I need to get out.
“… I am!… We need… To do this… Again!..” She puts on a huge smile in delight.
I think about logging off, but first I want to test out my speed now that the hood is off. Technically, my speed should be about double what it was previously.
Fen follows as I turn into an out of the way alley, completely out of the public eye. The alley itself is long and narrow, perfect for my test. I take off at top speed to reach the other end as fast as possible.
With a dull thud, I run directly into the wall.
‘Too fast!’ I think to myself.
The speed is incredibly difficult to control, in a single moment I already lost over ten percent health and even stunned myself.
When I can get back up, I return to the alley entrance,.
This time, I activate ‘Perceptual Sight’ to slow down things around me. Focusing all my energy into the sacred art, time slows down even more than ever before.
The surrounding areas slow down by a massive fifty percent. A small message appears in the bottom corner of my vision, but it disappears before I can read it.
WARNING! Overload of mental capacity - High Risk. Safety procedure is currently non responsive. Emergency release is currently non responsive.
I try running, and it is almost like I am swimming through water. However, at the same time the headache from earlier start to grow in my mind. Stopping immediately, I am already satisfied with how fast I can be, it will simply take some practice to perfect.
The tension builds up in me as my finger closes on the logout button. Almost all the stress is relieved from my body when I successfully log out of not only End Online but also my locker.
***************************************************
Back in my bed, sweat is constantly beading on my forehead. For some reason, the headache I had in the game is still there.
End Online Novel 
You are amazing, your fan !
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Lovely chapter here ^^
Vincent sure has his work cut out for him
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Oh he sure does, it will get a good edit tomorrow probably, when I have slept and can think straight ^.^
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Yeah the way you spelled jealous (jeleous) was quite interesting.
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thank you for the food… i mean date.. ah.. i mean chapter! yes. thank you for the chapter (~^_^~)
it still blows my mind away how cute and innocent fen is.. good job on the side chapter it’s really interesting 🙂
now that fen finally knows about the real world, i’m expecting holly to have a few unexpected surprises in the real world coming soon
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Thank for the chapter……I mean chapters. Wow, he so fast now that his mind couldn’t keep up with him, but I guess with a bit of training he get use to it like Flash does. Well, I don’t know a lot about human brain, so I don’t know. But I very thankful, but on the side note, your gift for valentine day is so late, if you give your girlfriend valentine day present late as this, I expect she will not be happy. Lol
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haha well i didn’t realize it was valentines day until the day before when gonZ asked if I was going to do a valentines chapter XD
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Nice, really enjoyed it can’t wait till Friday ( next)
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So here are some corrections/revisions I suggest
I can not think of anything else to say. Somehow I can’t log out and I know it has something to do with Fen.
Shouldn’t it be I cannot or I can’t?
As we walk through the crowd, countless players glance my way. I feel like a hundred jeleous daggers are pointed at my back from all the glares. I even hear a player murmur about how did some guy like me get such a pretty girl.
Lol Jealous
And the last part sounds weird to me. Shouldn’t it be something like how did someone like me get such a pretty girl or how did a guy like me get such a pretty girl.
Some of the male partners glance at her only to receive morbid stares from the females.
So basically every time a guy looks at Fen he gets judged by all the females present?
However, at the same time the headache from earlier start to grow in my mind.
Sounds weird and kinda awkward plus grammar
However, at the same time the headache from earlier starts to grow again in my mind.
Back in my bed, sweat is constantly beading on my forehead. For some reason, the headache I had in the game is still there,
Shouldn’t it be For some reason, the headache I had in game is still there?
Sorry my inner grammar Nazi was flaring after reading this >_<
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Great job on 14.5! It will be interesting to see the rest of his groups reaction to him no longer having the hood up. But I was wondering did Fen destroy the hood to get it off or can he still pull it back up?
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No clue I am curious about that too. What happened to the hood? Was it forcefully unequipped or was it destroyed in the process of Fen’s tantrum?
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Patience, young jedi ^.^
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i just want to cry like i need more jk. but i love your writing
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what my question is is why couldnt he remove the hood by himself in the first place?
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It was in one of the earlier chapters. He tried, but when he did he found he couldn’t. Like there were a pair of hands grabbing his arms and preventing him from doing so
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but why were there a pair of hands stopping him is it like a system safety device so he doesnt hurt hiumself with too much speed or some other reason why he was prevented thatll be a spoiler if u say it
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It would be a spoiler. So allow me to use my favourite line of the night “Patience, young Jedi.”
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Hello. I found your story today through topwebfiction and I’m impressed. The story seems like it will escalate nicely from here on. The forceful nature of the AI’s makes me anticipate great things from the serious plot. However, I also look forward to the game world itself. It seems rather fun.
Finally, I don’t know if you know, but your earlier chapters before you got a proofreader have several typos such as in chapter 5:
meaning I get to use it six times per day in real lift,
meaning I get to use it six times per day in real life,
and are able to slip of peoples
and are able to slip out of peoples
I found several more, but I am unsure if you want to see all of them.
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I’m glad you enjoy it. Well I personally feel a good story has a good balance both serious and relaxed sides to it, although I am still new to doing it!
Yes, well when I personally edit it, It is incredibly easy to gloss over certain parts because it is my own writing. If you happen to throw them in the comments, then I will go back and fix them as soon as I can.
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Chapter 2
Your level in the game only affects you maximum health points
Your level in the game only affects your maximum health points
Chapter 3
I also read the Gladox, the strongest player in the game,
I also read that Gladox, the strongest player in the game,
Chapter 4
Being fully aware of its speed and given that I was only able to win last time due to being able to land two incredibly effective critical hits at the start, hindering its movements speed.
This is a fragment. A suggested change might be:
I am fully aware of its speed because I was only able to win last time due to being able to land two incredibly effective critical hits at the start, hindering its movements speed.
To think that I beat a wolf that can do this to a me in one clean hit, despite how much stronger I am now, terrifying.
This is a fragment. A suggested change might be:
To think that I beat a wolf that can do this to a me in one clean hit; despite how much stronger I am now, the wolf was still terrifying.
Chapter 5
My higher my agility stat, the faster I will be.
The higher my agility stat, the faster I will be.
With training through conventional means
While training through conventional means
OR
With conventional training,
they stop improving, dexterity is about thirty.
they stop improving. For dexterity, the limit is about thirty.
OR
they stop improving. Dexterity’s stopping point is about thirty.
It appears to me that every ten levels a stat will get stronger.
It appears to me that every ten levels a skill will improve my stats substantially.
(I think this is the meaning)
through you life of hands in other
through your life of hands in other
POSSIBLY
through your life of having your hands in other
OR
through having your hands always in other <-this has better parallelism
twenty five throwing knives for on gold a
twenty five throwing knives for one gold a
Fen’s and my speed towards the goblins couldn’t be compared to the other two
Fen’s and my speed towards the goblins couldn’t be compared to the other two's speed
(Have to compare speed to speed)
four goblins without getting a single scratch on my
four goblins without getting a single scratch on my body
OR
four goblins without getting a single scratch on me
Not only will you get tired and exhausted the lower your health with,
POSSIBLY
Not only will you get more tired and exhausted the lower your health is,
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Thanks! I will get on to those tomorrow!
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(Banana bread goes well with coffee, but I still prefer carrot cake. Pumpkin pie is nice with hot/cold cocoa. Wah! Why am I thinking of foodstuff not immediately available to me.)
That was sweet. Thanks, D. Wolfin! >,<
I wish I can help you set up a wiki (for volunteer proofreaders) one of these days. (I don't always have internet access though hence my sporadic presence, haha.) Then again, you can probably just read through some of this. http://learn.googleapps.com/sites (Actually, belay that. It might just confuse you into thinking google docs is the optimal answer. It's not.)
Although you can use a wordpress plugin solution ( https://wordpress.org/plugins/tags/wiki ), the effort in finding one that is suitable to your purpose is likely going to be more or less the same as creating an exclusive wiki. A separate site has the added bonus of privatizing the editing scene from the pure consumers.
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Oh I get it! The hood would not come off because without it he would too fast for his brain to handle, to the cloak was kept in place as a security measure by the system. Fen, being the AI that she is, was able to override that function and take the hood off, thus the cracking sound. I have a feeling Fen is beginning to take more yandere route. Just my ideas and opinions.
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